In the Waiting
Updated: May 15, 2020
Just being vulnerable here, this week hasn't been easy.
And I'm not really sure why, except that my heart wants to know what it can't.
The future.
Can you relate? Do you ever wish, just for an unguarded moment, that you didn't have to be surprised?
Up until now, sheltering-in-place/social-distancing/quarantine/whatever you want to call it has been easy. Unusual but enjoyable for this introvert who thrives on home days with my favorite people and spring sunshine. The introvert that wrote this most recent post! :)
But it has been a little harder to choose joy this week. Things have seemed a wee bit more wearying, and, let's face it, my 9-month-pregnant emotions have been closer to the surface. Thank God for rock-steady husbands with broad shoulders.
My latest trip to the doctor's office was strange, with the paradoxical whimsy of chalked stop signs and messages on the parking lot and sidewalk. Grim barricades and cheerful masked nurses directing me to the medical worker at the door who takes my temperature. An empty waiting room with green and blue medical gauze woven between the chairs, ensuring proper social distancing.
It hit home a little harder that my mom won't be able to be part of my support team for Barrett's birth. A little harder that we won't be waking up from this odd dream before my baby arrives.There are uncertainties that I'm walking into that could keep this birth experience from being as peaceful as I hoped.
There is already much to process in these weeks of waiting before a baby's birth. And call me wimpy, but this natural-born worrier hasn't enjoyed adding dozens more questions to that list.
But as I feel this child tumbling in my womb as I type, I can *finally* smile a little about it. At the end of a week of overwhelm and sleepless nights and honest wrestling with the God Who Sees, I realize something again.
My Father knew. He always knew. And in the waiting, I don't have to know.
Even though I really want to. :)
To borrow the words of a wise friend, these uncertain days are simply a reminder of what has always been true.
Our God is good, He is sovereign, and He is wise. And we are held tenderly in His hands -- the same nail-pierced hands that we'll celebrate anew this Easter weekend. He is too wise to be mistaken, too good to be unkind.
God shall alone the refuge be,
And comfort of my mind;
Too wise to be mistaken, He,
Too good to be unkind.
In all his holy, sovereign will,
He is, I daily find,
Too wise to be mistaken, still
Too good to be unkind.
- Samuel Medley
Maybe you're having to change your plans for a wedding or graduation or another special event. Maybe you or someone you love are more at risk than usual, which causes you to fear. Maybe you're facing trials due to job changes. Maybe it's simply overwhelming to have everyone at home with no clue when your life will return to normal.
I'm sending a hug your way, no matter where you are in all of this.
Let's focus on taking it one day at a time. We're going to make it through this with stories to tell. Stories of how our Father was faithful yet again.
And Easter Sunday is coming! Let's be creative in the way we celebrate. We can feast and be glad. Our church buildings may stand silent, but we can still rejoice that Christ has conquered death forever in His resurrection. We can do all of this in the waiting.
Do you have plans/ideas for how you're celebrating Easter this year? I'd absolutely love to hear in the comments!
"The brokenness of this world doesn't and can't have the last word. The enemies of Christ will not prevail. We believe in the resurrection. Jesus is on His throne. We can act faithfully without being too consumed by this world. And we can sleep well at night, knowing that God's good purposes are coming to pass. Let's have a big celebration for Easter. Jesus is alive! In Him, we will never die! God has never and will never abandon His people." - Tom Hicks Jr.